nice little cottage..
nice glowing firey fire

nice music
nice phone calls from friends
nice repair

nice small town
nice small country

nice little ghost doodles on new york canvases half done

nice realisation
nice healing time
nice new perspective on
nice life

nice life
thanks

as objects tumble over them selfs in my hads
packing

and the minutes creep to hours..

dithery as old man
and raveing to himself in realy sporadic memerable concerns

im struck by being old

and that being twice th age of my self now...

and looseing your marbles
must be very humbling embarrising and undignifyed.

inturnal navigation on practical concerns
not to mention ass and wees function.

a slender design
compact diatribe

a best seller of authority
and digestable tract

to enter
a notewerthy experience
mad kingdom

slacker moral
and barbarian comfort of devolvement

like human grace realy
forgetting
de3nial
and special home spun beuty pagents of tax claimable mana

the prefect
dicktater

clone
astronaught

cripple witch

fathers sell your best playmate
a v8 turbo just came onto th stage

three egg ambiguity
dacing with knee cap surgery
the lights at th cross roads
grandmas electric scooter

the infra structure of latin americas slums
as th devel

devil
reassured me of my need of purity
was a good angel

humans were capable of so much more belief
will
majic

then

and tempting offers of sex slavery for the big dip into alien horror
were jestfully offered

shes a silly girl...

lobotomy mc savage
and

wheres th joseph gene

that multi coloured coat of hyroglyphic simplicity
dream weave that lotto dysfucntion
pokies squall
conformity failure
n to safty

fuck..
i mean
amen

and this perisscope of connectivity
in times cascade

a effect on un linear fortunate breakers
scinece myth
calander deighty

all effect bundled in strange delusion
...will count
horizon bypass

sphericle new light
as war slave whore violence

shudders the last ejaculate of spent terror

strong in absence
weird in absolute weakness

vain subject to closure of the partners secret reinforced reality spectrum

hoops lengthen...
as we declared...formuler objects

co existing

unable to walk well

indeed play along...

but giant
holding
story

this real was realer then

your might were not fair
your pple un whole..dependant

i am fractured in these worlds

like some prism spectrum
and the sourse wrote

get well soon buddy
george clooney beutify the dress rehersal for happy
its a parable of fear
walking on coals

illusion and fantasy

no suicide will save you from yourself

and now to confuse matters werse
lets have a quote from

george bernard shaw

"this is th true joy in life-being
used for a purpose recognised by
yourself
as a mighty one
that being a force of nature instead
of a feaverish little cloud of ailments and grievances
complaining that the world will not devote itself to makeing you happy.

i am of the oppinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as i live, it is my privledge to do for it whatever i can.
i want to be thougherly used up when i die-for th harder i work the more i love.
i rejoice in life for its own sake .life is no brief candle to me. it is a sort of splended torch which i have got to hold up for th moment and i want to make it burn as brightly as possable before handing it on to future generations"

bet he went to church that guy.

i was gonna stop writeing

but he stars lookvery handsome
th cabbage spikey against night sky

my companion was as eloquently as bedazzled by a low ebb
and some how shareing that confluence against dark dirg of troubled great river..helped

as well as opp shop threads swims
convivial small town natterings with bemused locals..
th regional self conscious embattled types

the yesteryear nz still like a a 1950s wallpaper
a sedimentary layer i am infused with
a self i hardly recognise but still am part of

best retro fit th new
skytec
starsound
amp
stero pa

and apraise th studio in all the glory of
overcrouded mega citys of the future slum

th expansive wrestle with fate humanity has
we western profiteers aford
th sweet little ignorances..and holyer than thou depressive introspections

that winters are all wrapt up in
oh glory
oh certain

interior monologues
genisis storys
and histerys of identity

not realy us
warped
and miopic in emotional frenzyd hysteria
all settled into a calm
rtational

apon being in th world for a second.

and then aware i was not
and that has been a good thing. too

cos it is like i know i say stuff i mean at th time then dont

but ahh..confessional self analisus embarrising repeditive disclosure
outburst
assertions of characterised ..catharisis..to overcome a demon
grief
and fear
is some balm...even tho aqute anxiety is a pattern aswell and just normal please you normal dude. anonimous fucked up normal dude
mad like everyone in damaged goods conformity seeking

conformity seeking reference point
not to agile in its shallow ebbs n flows..if you can maintain that pitch n swing lad..
not alone you know

on th diamond sea

well self acceptance..

learning humour at my own faults

this guy called maui (recovery guy i met at stereo shop...talked in th sun about family ...wipeing out..drugs ..emotions..ect..he sounds like a similer basicly good..but fucked up driven hard out guy a bit like me..so was good to get all similer in th humility faulted male story..
told me i say bad stuff bout myslef ..

he knew me for like 5 min ova a coffee.

th power of th word n all.

but i was getting ultra sound
from a thousand forms from th hospital...kind of care

and almost wept all over th nurse telling some intertwined story..not th beurocracy that was needed im sure..

spose its weird art being such a inturnal process that needs vision mainytained even if one lacks th energy to do it
let alone

a real life..or support.
self care and over comeing insecuritys ..
all that normal life integreat into a community stuff.

and go again.

blah blah..not there yet.

tipped th metal shop kid money for recomending a album
(he was paying of a beatles vinyl..thats what hardcore metler boys are doing! cool)

ahh had ultra sound on th ankle which was limping me..it real works...bob th elderly technition ..seemed to reluctantly help me..
little did he know the awsome power of his wand..and the small act of human need nesesity of connectedness that simple act afforded my spirit. even within th acc system.

mind you i did march about with paper work and get lost finding it..
become panicy and dithery as all fuck
forgetting things like ..anything practical ..includeing shoe laceing.

going..hmmm
and i do alot of eastern meditation for ..why?
and
hmmm im t of this realm just out side my door am i
do i have to engage.

obsessive compulsive blah blah
might even see a counciller..

or just have maui over for dinner.
looked like a good eat he did.


and went bezerk in th opp shop
got told i was borderline by th sally army guy in a convivial manner ..like all service staff are qualifyed to judge ..you know especially if there a charity organisation..theres a moral superiority

and th customer is of course ...infringeing on the level if he is ...
eccentric and happy for a brief moment ..
takeing charge assertively over a be plaugeing and dreadfull dress sence.
at least i look like shit
in a funny way now.
as opposed to in a
i feel bad about myself way
which...is trying to be humble and blend in with what ever males like me are

what are males like me supposed to be like?
i keep wondering.

i like th overall ..its free from all those complicated requirements of identity

good spotting dude..sales man opp shop

i mean if im not isolateing
im acused of this other thing

oh well

i got a funny new suit
and shoes

and some semblance of acceptance...dispite my faults.

all is good
critiucal

popped home to get cash for big new amp and speakers for studio
new shoes..for sore foot-insert

maybe a swim
did th swim

what a utilitarian pool.
what a straight up n down three veg n meat kinda space..
with steam room n spa
that was
good.

tea with ross
maybe things will be ok

good dinner..shareing and mutteirng in tv nz news politics way.

maybe being aware
mad and creative can work

some 1000 year projection into a world where weve grown up
become all we can be
in a graqcefull arc of

intelligence
empathy
and conscious nature and human synthesis.

haha

th saly guy saud hed lock me up throw away th key..

i was shopping.
i think he was being friendly.

i said i knew..but i dont hurt anyone..

hmmm...damn humans...cant live with them
cant be neurotic n afraid all th time
or eat there liver.

maybe some sweeping aroha of beuty n majic will amend th together facters and make support structures apear in th real world

enabling growth
harmony
and all that life afirming

self entwined in terdependance thing

greatfull

and a wee trip away...and some other pple in my head ..will be good for me.

judgeing all th photographs of my peers...that they send in
to get into th show

and stuff for a real career in art land.

a real self to call home

go girl..
a fridged economy never muttered revoulution as dirty n spastic as you

i been keeping pretty good contact with ya

keeping in touch real reguler fer a while now

you do and say some pretty dumb shit

but you know i love ya anyway..

looks like a full blown reguler gig you got in that imagination land eh?

and well
i may have been absent for a long time
you doughted your self heaps,...wondered what happened to me eh

and all you had to do dude was...tell it like it is

like it was omk to use your own voice..

in any way you could

like you were honest n true

to me

your soul

and that.

hi

i dont get
how if i get head fucked n raped

how come i got th problem for life..you know?

and that shame and rage and self hate and lonlyness

i fucking dont get that shit

can someone kill that motherfucker who did that please?

oh no

give th cunt a church

fucking face your maker bitch

i am a human being
im made of muscil bone and blood
im full of awfull feelings
self hatred and mistrust

i need you now to be here with me
i cannot reach th light

i need you to believe in me
ive been giveing up th fight

i am a selfish monster selfish and remote
my words are flameing dagger
theyll send you up in smoke

i need you now to abandon me
my heart is in a knot
i need you now to put your hands on me
lets give it one more shot

i am a recless woman
i always make such a mess
follow my intuition
into th dragons nest

i want to change
for th better

clean the slate..be good forever

i am a human being
im made muscil boe and blood

i am full of awsome feelings
like unconditional love

i want you
and me together

faithfully and thru all weather

i worry that ive become a cult member with qi gong.

its realy confuseing.

but so is contemporary culture.

my mind dosnt feel like my own..i mean something last retreat went real deep..and burned me.

all of us i think.

its a tricky one..its a ancient practice from another age.

with values n reason that are admirable and correct.

and also employs a strickt engagement in a psyeudo monastic regimented practice

as directed by the teacher. yuan tze.

its not a order..but between th lines there is a explicit directive

its couched in soft western kindly pandering...free will and choise

but underneith is hard self disciplined conformist and compleatly relyant on th master for direction in this mind opening
body energy exchange

semi religeous / psychic
hypnotiseing

group thing.

ive always had severe distrust of authority
and religeoin..

and been equally lost and wanting to find something true with in them..

qi gong is a inturnally focussed introverted eastern practice
it has fitted well with my temperment of harsh critical judgement
and self admonshing weak self indulgent abandonment ..

as in i always amaware i let myself down..

qi gong is typically confucian in that hard self regulatory manner

but in a group mentality
in a organised conformist
inturnally driven flock
cult
type process of reveling inturnal issues as manifest in th body

my point is
i feel numb in my mind
in th centre
i feel lost to mysle f

isolated more
physically sore (not nessesarily qi gong..maybe a resuslt of my own previous running and burn out)

its like ive equally been on a accellerated burn out inturnally with art
and qi gong

and im either very strong
very stupid
or like a drugg fucked cult member who cant tie his own shoes.

i seem to be able to communicate my dought

my dought is strong as ever..
either rescuing me
or denying me access to a belief about anything that works for me

one thing fer sure..i dont realy believe in th station of artist i have

i mmean yes its true
but i am a low low level to what could should be

in terms of histery and potetial...
maybe its indicative of nz that i am where i am

i mean ive werked hard..but i can hardly hold a brush
if brush is art

is brush work art?
i dont know

what is art? why?
is it about fundamental issues of consciousness
social construction
personal misery
lack of light

destructive patterns smashing on a consumer shore
a culture wanting its soul back please

i just dont know if im in a dangerous group

or wheather i asked for this and i cant handle it.

my reality has never been that stable
and i seem to be seeking some stability in this process of ancient assimilation
it realy splits my head open

and i find myself being realy fragtmented and disasociated ....

however equally ..addictive and negative emotional patterns are not a soulution either. as also my habit to date.

how to reveal what is realy me?

and how to gain support for that

in a world where evetyone is deluded lost and out for them selfs .

yuan tze has high motivation and ideals .
not unlike christ like virtue
however i cannot truly say th teacher trustworthy.

no one is perfect..i have to allow for th normal human failing..

but i get scared aswell at some hidden agenda in th group work
th vaulnerability we trust him with
the very real powerfull energy he has in a mind sence..that we allow to grow in th calm and directed fashion of th proceedings

its all about controll you see...we let him controll us
"for our own good"
to be able to controll ourself s better ect..and over come health emotional and mental problems.

theres a "reference system " he is trying to change in us mentally..a brain washing sort of slow steady kind of alturistic information base
that he thinks we know nothing about.

its of course taoist bhddish confucian and traditional chieese medicine based ideology..
as well as imperialist sort of communist slant hybrids.
its hard to tell
as well as whatever psyeodo scientific form th " zhineng qigong" practice comes from.

which is a well established branch of modern qi gong used for mind energy and life healing in th heart of chineese culture for centurys. but has been elaberated on in modern times in scienticific modes aswell

in essence theres nothing worng with it.

but equally it goes against all notions of individuality
and i deeply distrust th process of letting this energy in my mind that is touted as universal qi. that th teacher can summon

it gets cult like religeous and blind faith ish. although it constantly debunks all other forms of ths with sound scepticism
based on this
incredibly arrogant judgemental and assumptive manner of analisis.

see at once it deals with mystic sort of pysical spiritual energy innate in us
wants to help and ease suffering..and promote healing
thru increased self awareness and responsability
and devotion to its own code and rational..

with countless chineese storys of "majic" and super human abilitys abounding. as well as modern anecdotes of tumors being cleared ect..

its power of th mind stuff..a latent huma field western medicine an science has not pusued.

theres great truth in it i know.
also this fundamental invasion and de construction of self i feel going on..

and its a deep psysical sensation in my mind. a numb cloud. and im afraid and feel like im going to be a vegtable.

you know ive delved deep into drugs.
had alot of revelationry experience
and hell.

you know i see things from this spiritual template ..
and shift between zones of perception
from sceptic rebel anarchist
to pious good boy
to martyr and adventurer
humble student
to angry wronged lost guy on th warpath

all of which are true parts of me..and all of which are bundled in a self determined kind of blind faith to a process of uncovery and ultimate sort of need want of health n harmony..
love and fullfillment
prosperity and virute

well i just feel so inturnally conflicted..and scattrered and that potential for success and achievement

that vision of art and meaning are there

i see th work i am to make
i have a shape and goal..i can feel it.

i just am not in step with who i am supposed to be ...
sometimes i feel present
here

bt often am like in a dream far away..i come into focus in th studio ect..
sometimes if i am lucky.

maybe i just spend too much time on my own..introspecting
writeing about this selfish process

like i say..i think im in a cult
i worry its dangeous
i worry im being layer by layer un assembled ..that i trust
dont trust too much

i want something to beleve in
and i know its supposed to be inside me
and when i look i see only faulty machinery as pointed out by qi gong.

and potential to achieve in waiting.

i need to fight for my core..my belief my spirit to come and be with me ..
like ive never been truly present
not put someone else in there and call that a life.

self possession isnt what i am talking about
although i know thats what it looks like

i mean th real embodyed good james
th working speaking fucntioning

not mentally disturbed
no emotionally crippled
not socially phobic

why then with qi gong are all those things seemingly aggrivated..?

but when also have i ever been as real..

shit. ive never been anywhere stable or real

who of us can claim that..we just go along with our lives...night n day
up n down
in and out

im not sure if im comeing together here
or flying apart

so thats that.
i thank you for reading

and trust you can edit my spurious bullshit to some sort of evaluation of what is going on.

chineese mid body energy work
group
cult..?
harmfull

discipline and faith process...good for me

theres something in my mind that makes me not know myslef ..

maybe i am so totally amazeingly lucky
to even be in this situation

that to have engaged in so many modes of correctional
help
spiritual
self diagnostic activitys

is a compleat luxury and privledge..
that being fucked up

in spirituality
psychology

emotioanl
mental
physical

health

is some weird globalising human spirit..

that chaos confucion
sex
gender

politics..is all unravelling in this freyed and tired releaseing manner
a collective trip
of lookig within

at th apparent destruction..and misinformation
and controll apradignms of what ever reception from past or future you think is real

shit goddamn
holy fuck

i worte to th christian mystic friend..

i think that its love that is missing
i need love

to haveing admitted that

go on universe..
let that sunny day real estate shine
you brutal flower of temporary growth and enevidable decay

come on you curvatious demon of dark purity

wrath of ignorance
devil of sin

hate of light

come on you splended atomic tv set of hypnotic spell casting hunger
ghost
beast
slave
vampire
maggot
whore

come on love
you cunt
brutal victim
heart

mother life
universe seed
thousand pin pointed beacons of void
entropy
unity
and whole sorse amplifyer

together in this weft n weave of illusion and fear

come on love

come on love
come on love

im realy afraid
your a alienated misanthrope that wants to suck my dick
punch me in th back of th head
knee my groin
haunt me and scare me out of my mind
send me to war
kill my brother

come on love
its my fault the universe hated itself
beat each other
made guilt terror rape and lonlyness

come on love
you hopeless insect
you craqked concrete
little bug
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child
sad child

who accepts..do all children know theres a god?
unifyed field of consciousness
pool
genemoe
experiment
from other worlds to this

do all transplanted souls declare a choise
a right
a hope
are we to just add to this effort

at building something we can never ever know th out come of

like a cell in my body
how can it know
where my soul will travel to

virually millenia after i am gone/.

boah blah

i evoke love
cos it feel better please
thats got to be a slightly more comfortale ride
vacume is cold out there dude

phases manifest n shift

under th weather

its th great nz introspective mood disorder!

inturnal navigation

minoturs n mazes eh bro

and some ageless continuum we are all part of

individually
singaly

in what ever various code of story that visited us ..secretly
or publicly

however...as much as normal is a vitue and order stability and rational are preferable states

one falls under th weather
and lost at sea is inevadable

when th tide changes
and wind shifts

and different voices attract and connect
other than incessant own ones

in that gravity
of light
absence and free fall

theres wonders mysterys and laws to be upheld

like getting that light on my van fixed
paying road tax
and watching that movie..end of suburbia

bring on th battery solar faster fast
and vege garden

smaller circles
more connected

phases manifest n shift

under th weather

its th great nz introspective mood disorder!

inturnal navigation

minoturs n mazes eh bro

and some ageless continuum we are all part of

individually
singaly

in what ever various code of story that visited us ..secretly
or publicly

however...as much as normal is a vitue and order stability and rational are preferable states

one falls under th weather
and lost at sea is inevadable

when th tide changes
and wind shifts

and different voices attract and connect
other than incessant own ones

in that gravity
of light
absence and free fall

theres wonders mysterys and laws to be upheld

like getting that light on my van fixed
paying road tax
and watching that movie..end of suburbia

bring on th battery solar faster fast
and vege garden

smaller circles
more connected

fun
fear
confidence
role
play
barter
books
empty
full
given
sabotage
victim
signal
ended
giant
kind
soft
nessesary
hard
core
learning
pain
method
come
over
over
come
self

where i been
aint nessesarily where im at

where im at
aint nessesarily where im going

and that is that

expanded space

quivering possable

and becomes

( night is good
every one fucks off and the world is a little safer)

a whoile lotta stuff that aint mine

but ownership and identity never realy applys to these sort of storys

its best to walk my walk
live that delusion in introspective investigation

and cocoa choclate fire and dark river walks

like rabit proof fence and sobbing

ringing th bi polar macbeth directer bei ng told
im a galactic blue monkey in th mayan calander

power play illusion majic and integrity being significant points to this story.

he always makes me laugh.

model harmoinise and integrity.

a mass grave of testpots
they arrive fresh from th good lady at resene some where in auckland
as in i spilled there guts individually smote spent and oozed
in dainty recklessness of tone...soft purples n th like.

then not wanting...and value being comparitive..i piled th 100 pots on th surface in th middle
and waved a wand of 2 by 4 over the lot filled with that white adheasive

between th paint n th glue

and the sence of a figure that was in th canvas i saw

the relief is crazy and wonderfull.

i like useing th negitive aswell

things are things.

so diversity topples a meglomanical severe defence
against a hollow sensitiveity and altur ego reality

a ridged pack of tall defenders
with charataristics of absurd universal abstraction

and a certain method in imagination
of glutony for inadequesy
and shame

who knows maybe something beutifull will be born

all my work is like trying to atone for something
some illigitimate sence of horror..

at being here ..
in this body
country
planet

i dont know when i felt this awfull failure guilt despised eating evil cunt bitch spirit

some karma know dought

hey maybe i was a murderer.in a big battle..a order of many to death..
maybe it was a mistake..or a cruel calculated risk..
.maybe my race is one

maybe poison lust power greed slavery violence brutality ignorance and hate are th trade marks of this

maybe thats why nz drinks itself into coma
maybe we are fucking pricks and should die

maybe all th dead spirits swarm th sensitive get into th heads
dis possess..

like america sickness aswell

dont get me wrong..indiginous folks were pricks when they wanted to be aswell
no dought..

but why is this genetic story
this personifyed sence of collective shame and grief something that visits me...

some lost innocence..at th end of th road
beutifull aotearoa..
not the prison camp..

now dwelling in th epicentre of the land wars...a quater masters original house for th british army for fucks sake..

and this is a esteemed and asked for prize ive won!
haha..what a fool.
im now complicit with th systemic cultural capitilist christian ideological global devil beast..
ad all th minions of that pattern.

punk wont save me now..
cultural genocide
and all th machinations of colonial arrogance and
that stoned looking maori woman who reckoned she saw spirits said there was a few pple hung outside on th barn beam
i go into th shed fer wood in th dark

nothing can get you..if your in your self propperly..

but im not.

a better lie f for th flock...settlers and all that..
th bosses got good slaves both ways..

how can any sence of purpose and light be alowed to exist ..evolution

moral conviction...peace aroha reconciliation

all those quant notions that nz art has delt with already..
time to move on eh fellas..

go on to th global market of mask trade n lie manufactuer..
cos culture is a sport..a competition
a market
a hospital
and power consumption.

when our storys are so dark..when our own hearts are so filthy poisoned and lost to our souls.

just speaking for myself i suppose.

just that sence of humans realy shouldnt be allowed to breed anymore

that it would be fitting for a universal probation to the law of our bodys hearts n minds

listen to th roar of iadequit destruction
and the futility of pride arrogance and possession

of what isnt even ours

life

just th passenger ...as mr pop was telling me whilst driveing around parehaka roads.

shit...its like i dont know whats mine and whats yours

and who we are anyway..

theres some stain reference of spiritual cross over..some temporal shift inside me

and the anxiety fear and rage...sort of persists..

or maybe like th weather.

theres this story..this growing theme i remember forget and remember again

and it hurts like fuck

i dont know where it comes from..
why its my story..and it makes me cofused and afraid..and some how like theres some evil demon king in my heart that wants to snap my spine and eat my liver.

ha! just like a pokemon story..

and i yeah th devil visited when i was a kid aswell

im quite adept to letting other pples delusions run my operateing system.

id realy like to get back in th spaceship please..

do my away mission

and be harmnicly happy again with all th other occilateing creatures of th cosmos..

oh..where acturaly in a spacial form here? in physical space as creatures here?

damn!
universal law..
?
damn service
and all th benficiary heiracical belief systems of ascention and grace..

getting dirty..getting shit n blood on your hands

like a alchoholic..
or a cival servant chain smoker and a lifetime or denial

ghosts and protection

eaten alive again..

free at last.
when i dont know who i am

i had to smile when i was realy know one

youve nothing to loose
memery of something like home

when your a operateing program of illusion..thru centurys
suffering engine and responsability sacrifices

often a situation like heart
apon abandonment
settles certain directional imprints

akin to grief despair morose zombie murder flesh rape

and special abilitys as transparent glowing external anomilie

its a horizon effect with a flipped ring

no..im sure when the mind looses its grip
th body rejects...a cancer swells like self administered rescue pack to the tide

of th moon water universe
with every instant home
in a fear transit passage
your always welcome here...come be our captive

in time we will forget th atrocitys..the pride
belittled to a shuffle in line
coupon restraint
worth while device issue downpayment for gratitude service

externally..the principle directs flow
ensnares th young
a solitude to decouple
face upward the sharps of penetrateing possable
like heaven sword
splintered your false self
mother fucker
cunt and wanker devil spawn

like to black the bones
club the reptile
shoot th foot

amount to no end of trench navigation
in inroads intwined spirit force
from the pin pointed density of gravitys rainbow

bending the soul to illusion deficit
glamour hastle
all zeros credit th advance....like smile
mother n child total giant

woman of thunder cloud an fury ripping tearing and makein g amends for her service in satans armoury

warhead toothpick...meltdown seizure
poison totality
here on spining balls
a sheild and armour
light like forenzic evidence as cracks employ new trackers
sensitive service providers..
scales and time zones collapseing
a wholesome borrowed lattice werk of dimentional weaves
homespun detecters for malevolence
transit taxs

a car repair workshop in th gravy shop of vice and apathy..
spiritual gas station with
the fossel love
oozeing with th solar flare of arthritic juvinile horror

cos all pyrimids..in these secret occolt shrines to worth
wobble like plates on sticks
on a canabuls nose freek side show tuning amplifyer

digital trash

weve read th reviews
the shit stinks bro

your fucking done for

best say your preys mate

go home

big storm

we must stop trying to make art

in order to locate that which needs to

do
say make
think


maybe come up against that thats not pretentious mental offal

even if its bad uglee or beutifull in that freedom

but you know what ever..just a mood

sence of purpose
belief
belonging

beuaty
rain
coulour

joy cascades

to loose weight

dont eat as much

to be happy

be happy

(smile)